my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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