There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
