Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
