i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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