I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
do herpes really smell.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
