Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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