Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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