totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
