Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
