I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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