Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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