i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
