the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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