You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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