last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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