What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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