there's paper in my vomit.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
