She said her name was "party"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
