I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
