Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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