Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
no, he came in my armpit
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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