between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
