Apparently you make a good broom.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
