I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
