She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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