My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
