I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
