I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
