Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
