she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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