Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
