I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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