Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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