I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
