Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She's the barista slut.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
