You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
