I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
