She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
