Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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