I bet he comes in French.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
