I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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