Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i think i have two assholes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
