yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
