I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
