I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
