I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
even my farts smell like vagina
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
