oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
