Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just puked most of my soul out..
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