Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im on a boat
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