There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm both gender and math confused
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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