he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
