I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
