pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
