We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
