Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
