Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
