all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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